PUTERA's pebyia.;

they got nothing on you, baby.

it's already february! and I'm still jobless. still clueless to what gonna happen to me next. Pray that's a good one.

I'm having insomnia now. Feeling kinda crap, tossing and turning trying to sleep. But hell no, I'm still fresh now blogging away. What a life! I even changed the position of my body so that I'm able to sleep peacefully. Still the same tho. ):

Honestly, I'm Very much in love with my boyfriend. But sometimes, I really can't stand the way he tried hard to win an argument! Cos he will never win!
I'm not saying that he don't have the right to feel right but at times, I dun feel right when he's right!
Get the drift?

Yes, I admitted that I'm an ego person. I have reasons to stay as ego as I can be cos I don't see why a person have to start annoying us with their attitudes when at the first place this ego person did not do anything wrong to them!
I'm saying that, they deserve this punishment!
Even so I'm sucha person, I play game fairly. I did not act smart to stay ego without any valid reason. I have a good heart okay.

We argued in a way that I will always be the one talking away and he will be the one keeping silent. I don't want to be the bad gf here. I just want him to know his mistakes. It may be a small matter to him but not to me. Oh by the way, I did apologized before putting down the phone if I'm to blame. He loves so much to hear me apologize cos I don't do that often! So I have changed! I apologized! Tada! -.-

That's not the case. The main thing is, I just want you to know that I care much about us. I don't want us to blame each other and having this arguments over and over again. I am very sad. As usual, I teared up after the hang-up. I'm not proud of that. I'm afraid that my tears would run out if we continue doing this.

Just for your info, it's not as tho we fights and argue every single day. It's the one moment no one expected it to happen. Well, that's life right?

Nonetheless, he's still my number one. He's still the one who can make me smile after every fights. He's still the one I need most of the time. He's still the one I would like to grow old with. He's still the one that joked about my nose. -.-
No matter what, you're still the person I fell in love with right from the start. Hope you would stay patient and put in more efforts for this relationship. Nutty needs Putty Okay?

Talking about that, next week gonna be our anniversary. I still don't have any idea what to present him. First place, where the hell am I gonna get the money from? Lol! Idiot. Now this is super fcking sad! )))):
Do I get a present even if u don't? Haha. Please!!!! ):

Just can't wait for the day to come. Hoping that this sweet handsome boifey of mine gonna ask me out for a date on that special day. Haha!

Gonna try to sleep again now. Brother alarm just rang! It's 6am in the morning yo!
Lotsa loveeeeeeeee! :)

Labels: feb fabulous not

3 more days before 2011.

i dunno why. but it seems that im feeling the sadness and wanting to cry out loud flashing back the memories of dear 2010.

for others, 2010 has been the great year and treating them good.
im happy to read blogs with full of excitement and greatful for the
happy memories in 2010.

honestly, 2010, a rather bad and struggled moments for me to complete this circle.
a very sad and of cos, i dun wish to welcome the memories back to my life.

let's recap and let's my tears roll down like no one's business.

January.
all went well. still with my old job. but always tempted to leave the job.
it's killing me jus to do the same routine over and over again.
plus, it's a boring place to be.
relationship wise, i think it's still fine between me and him.
family, okay as well.

Feburary.
hanged on to the job, still. tempted again to quit. kept complaining to dear bf on how much i hate that job. EVERY SINGLE DAY!
endurance. but it faded at the end of every work's day.
my love for him grew even deeper and deeper.
it was our 1st year Anniversary on that very month.
he bought me the very first anni's card and couple's rings.
but sadly, i lost the ring.
i took my turn to surprise him with my couple's rings, my edition.
and that's when his turn to lost the new ring.
since then, i was seen wearing the ring that he bought. and he's wearing the ring that i bought till today. super cute somehow. the rings's not the matching pair. but who cares.
i bought him a mobile phone. sony ericsson in red. W550i i guess?
i should thank Matsah for his beautiful signature. haha.
note to self: celebrated 1st year Anniversary @ Kallang River. (:
i had no problem with family. me and mum became much closer by then but still not too close yet. im loving it tho.

March.
everytime march, it's bestfren's and daughter's birthday.the celebration was cool.
all the bestfren's day for me. bf came along.
had photos with the babies.
they labelled qira as my daughter. cos we got the same skin colour at that point of time. and name manje too.
i still hate my job. i cant recall when's the last day of work for me. it's either on feb or on this particular month. but i got a job right after i resigned.
relationship's good always. was busy planning for our Bali's vacation.
famiy's fine too i guess.

April.
I hate April the most. everything come crashing in at a go.
I started schooling, thats the best part. got a job for myself as a dental asst.
Bali's trip was cancelled due to bf's accident. it happened too fast and yet to recover from that grief.
one night before our trip bf met with an accident and he got hospitalised.
i was there for him. family and frens too.
i was too upset. really upset. but thank Allah, bf's safe and sound now.
spend the days in the hospital. not to forget, over at his place to look after him.
skipped classes jus to see him safe.
he didnt fail to make me happy eventho he's not okay. had late dinner at bedok and lunch at bukit panjang plaza.
that's the worst thing ever.
family's fine as always. mum being supportive. mum being sucha dear to cook food for us. matsah survived from endless working's days to feed us.
i thank him so very the much.

June.
bf's still not recovering yet. he stopped working and so am i. quitted my job due to low interest and wanted to be there for him always. upset with his family much.
we survived slowly. bf able to walk without the crunches. he ditched the crunches for goodness sake. still putting my whole efforts for him.
we went out without the bike. district 9 still under repair. we miss him so much.
financial unstable. but we survived. alhamdulillah.
family's been great. but dear matsah handled the family all by himself. i salute him for his efforts and faith for our family.

July.
i dunno when i got the another job. as a sales asst at novena under ELC. i had no choice but to stick with the job to survive thru. went to work with so not okay mood. but on the first day, bf send me to work. by public transport of cos. aliman was the one who accompained me for the interview.
bf went to school again. i moved out from his place soon enough after his foot recovered.
nothing much happened this month as bf and myself busy working. his bike came back. we named him, silly putty. cos he's so greeny and cute like that. bf surprised me by fetching me with his brother's bike as his foot cant do much moves at that time.
silly putty was with his brother. it was a tough decision and call for bf cos he had to find ways to bring his bike out again. he needed 4000 jus to get everything done.
thank his mum for forking up cash for the deposit. it was really a hard time for bf.
he forced himself to work partime in order to pay his bike's installment.
he even got himself another part time job under fatface. this i got to thank ayu.
he worked his ass off as much as he could.
i admired his strong will and capabilities.
i M.I.A from my job due to the long distance from home. by then, i regretted losing my old job. the one i got bored and it was a stupid mistake to leave it.
i cant rewind the story tho. yet again, i struggled and got really really depressed and stressed.
family still being supportive. matsah struggled and i got no choice but to find jobs again. but to no avail.

August.
the best month of my life. it's my 22nd's birthday. and so my pestie and cousins.
i dun feel the vibe at first cos with the rate that me and bf's going, i dun see anything special coming our way any soon. but i was super wrong. bf got his first pay for fatface and he treated me and bought me a SOLVIL TITUS watch. oh yes!!!!!
i was happy like hell! he brought me to cash studio and breakfast-ed over at swensens! i was HAPPY, honestly.
he was always the one making efforts to make me happy without me knowing it. i really appreciated his efforts. it really eased my stress feeling sumhow. thank u putera. ((:
celebrated it with much love.
not to forget, i got an Iphone! from my dear brother, matsah. i dunno how to thank him and he's always been there for me whenever i need him.
he helped me alot financially and mentally. he helped our family.
he's the MAN.

September.
Another unforgettable month. it was putera's 24th's birthday! matsah and i bought him a camera. it's also a reason for my dead old camera. so this present was meant to be shared! he was super happy of cos. and again, i had to thank matsah for this wonderful gift.
we celebrated it over at cash studio and then to cineleisure. booked a room for him and frens for ps3. his frens came over and surprised him with lovely cakes.
the night went out smoothly and by midnight, we watched movie.
he received his gift days after his bday. got him a teddy bear by the $1 machine all by myself. haha. for the very first time okay!
mum started to worry for me. mum started to ask around for job's vacancy. i dun blame anyone. i know it's my fault and i know i got to support her no matter what.
it has been really a tough life for me. i seeked jobs. went for interviews. went to CDC to get help.

October.
Tragedi October they say? well, i got used to the terms "nadhirah still searching for jobs". haiz. school back as per normal. at the new ITE CCK. some few new frens of cos. busy schooling getting to know more about HR. crazy subject i should say.
and met up with crazy peeps which i dun wish to be fren with. duhh!
hansem lecturer, LOL!
was still suffering from depression. eventho i dunno whether i really got that sickness. but dear wawa said that i am showing the signs.
still happily attached with putera. only that we did much quarelling and arguing all cos of $$$$$$$$$$$$. we lacked of communication. i mean the serious communication. i was crying myself to sleep every night thinking of my -.- life.
i did not or ever go through this kinda hardship in my life.
thats when i blame my dad. regretted of leaving the old job AGAIN.
hating my bf for dunno why. feeling of stress come and go. somewhat the feeling's like a BITCH!
i got one person who always noe how to soothe and understand me, it's my only bestfren, wawa. she was my diary and so am i. we communicate every day without fail thru SMSes. we did very well telling out about our stories everyday. i dun feel much pressurise and sad after ranting it to her. i love her so much. only god knows why.
she helped me financially too. i dunno how to repay all her kindness. she's my otherhalf.

November.
i got a job! WOW! it's a temp job. as an admin asst. did failing and such. met great people and learn how they work. adult kinda environment. very peace and mind ur own business kinda thing. i love it there. no pressure. only came late once and didnt turned up thrice? i was sick. haha. well, it was the best experience ever. with IE Singapore for a month. i did quite a good job. (:
i dun care whatever the job will be cos i noe i need the job badly to cover my spending. everyday eat old chang kee. met up with Emma, my old ITE fren. that beautiful funny soul. she was my lunch date for a month.
slowly i recovered from the sickness but it kept hunting me whenever im alone. i hate to admit it but i was missing my step dad very much. i know and can feel that if he were to be here with us, our family's progression would be much better than this. i jus miss him. )),:
i cried again whenever i felt the tense and loneliness.
bf being sucha dear once again for spending the right amount of time with me. everyday and everynight. he supported me through my journey in life. he's my strength. he volunteered to find my step dad for me too. how sweet.
i hope i can meet my Ayah soon. wanna hug him so tight. really.
bf got a new job too. he had to leave fat face cos the shop shutting in dec.
he worked at JTC under regisrty. alhamdulillah. he still handled 2 jobs at a go.
my superhero. but i pitied him at times. )):

December.
kinda hush season for me. as i had to leave IE and say hello to my dearest bed. every single day it has been this way. waking up late and enjoy my life spending time with mum over TVs. i dun like it this way. i swear. $$$$ in my pocket decreased and it's crying out loud once again.
had a big tiff with bf over $$$ yet again. he then decided not to meet frequently for 2months. he worked real hard. everyday and everynight.
i noe ive been the bad gf always. always demanding him to be with me. i jus need him. )):
but i didnt hold him back this time. i let him go and do whatever he aimed for. im only his gf not his wife. and he said was true. it also benefits me when he got his hard earn salary. oh my dear bf. he's a very humble person with lotsa kind thoughts.
i always wanted him to rest but jus cant resist him. i thank him for still taking good care of me right from the start.
i know i need to help him too. i will. insyallah.
for now, i just dunno and cant think of anything for our future. as far as i observed and concerned, we can only plan but Allah's the one to decide. one thing for sure, i wanna be near Allah as much as I could. we're not growing back as a little girl. we're growing up as an adult and there's always responsibility for us.
insyallah.
im looking forward for this year's countdown for 2011.
bringing my mum along to watch the fireworks together. insyallah.
matsah resigned from his current job and will start his new job next year.
i wish him all the best in life now and later. for he's the one i love and the one i thankful for. and i thank Allah for this wonderful gift.

big thank you to all my frens, cousins, family and everyone for sharing this year's moment with me. i dunno what's next in line for me.
thanks for everyone who has been there for me.
dear bestfren, wawa.
pestie, zira.
for all the laughters i need to complete me.
brother, matsah.
mum, samnah. my dad. stepmum and the rest of my family.
for the never ending love and support for me.
dearest boyfren, putera
for ur love, care, trust, faithful and sincere towards this relationship.
and to everyone out there who has been a part of 22years of life.

I LOVE U ALL ALWAYS. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

goodbye 2010. thanks for the unwanted and grateful moments.

May ALLAH bless all of us.

MUAXX!

Labels: 2010

it's not as though i've been rude or treating u bad lately.

i dunno why you came to appoint wanting to be super obsessive. i dun wanna use the word super la okay. maybe ACT OBSESSIVE.

u already know that i'm not any type of person who love to play or waste my time without u around your back.
so u should jolly well keep ur trap up!

super irritating. i know u're trying to say that u have the right to tell me to be home early and stuff.
but dear baby, havent u know that ur dearest babygirl here wont listen?
because we DO NOT practise this kinda activity before. as in be back ASAP, report strength and blablabla.
i've give in to that report strength's part.

and it's bloody scary la yesterday when u suddenly made me wanna cry la with ur words!
BECAUSE i dun know what's wrong with you at the first place.
and BECAUSE i'm hanging out with the people you know! OH GOSH!
how can u simply be sucha.....

seriously. I'M NOT WORKING ANYMORE, I DUN HAVE ANY REAL RESPONSIBILTY THE NEXT DAY, WHEN I'M AT HOME I DUN EVEN SLEEP TILL MORNING and now u trying to say i cant hang out with them till late ANYMORE?

yeah read that! ANYMORE.

i used to lepak with them till LATE and you DO NOT say anything the other TIME!
why now?

and it's not as if i've been meeting them in a regular basis!

Ya Allah. kadang2 aku rase mcm tertpu pun ade. rase mcm tkde org paham aku ah.
sesungguhnye, dier ckp yg kite nie bukan 2 or 3 bulan kenal jadi aku kene paham dier. beh tk kan dier tk kenal aku????
bile mase nye yg aku nie buat jahat kat luar sampai dier kene buat mcm nie???
dan aku bukan selalu lepak dgn kawan2 aku! dier yg banyak lepak dgn kawan2 dier!
and aku pun kadang2 ikot lepak skali.
but i never complain.
aku bukan nk burok2 kan name dier. memang dier baik. terlalu baik dan slalu manje kan aku dlm hal2 gnie. tapi salah sape skg aku jadi gnie?
memang salah aku jugak pasal degil tk nk dengar kate. tapi aku nye org memang mcm gnie pe.
AKU TAK SALAH, JANGAN NK CARIK PASAL SUKE2!
sape suke orang buat mcm tu?
dan lagi2 dier BOYFREN aku. dier yg patot lagi paham dan kenal aku.

and whatever you may think, i dun do this once.
at least i'm not playing ur back. that's the most important thing u gotta know!
and one thing for sure, this is a total CRAP!

fight with me for something more challenging can?

i'm getting bored of this.

seriously am.

lastly, blame urself for being too good until u hurt someone's else feelings with your action.

THANK YOU.

Labels: saturday with sucker

0559am, tuesday.

i cant sleep. )=
tried and failed.

baby's right beside me sleeping soundly eventhough he's perspiring at the same time.
poor thing. sorry la. next time i kipas kan u okay. (=

and while typing this down, i'm listening to the most romantic and sad song ever!
bila cinta by gio.
watched the movie too. kinda sweet and touching.

i would to say Alhamdulillah for today, yesterday and days to come.
for today, i've found matsah's i.c. yeah for me. and i've found solution for one of my never ending problems.
thanks Allah. thanks to bestie wawa too for all her kind words and never ending prayers for me too. she knows what best for me and she's been there for me like forever.
too many problems to settle and too little time to do it.

i didnt manage to occupy my time for work for the past 2 months. i really hope i will soon.
i love times like this when i jus hafta sit at home, sleep and waking up late.

boyfriend's working hard himself for the past months. i really saw the potential in him. potential for my future. insyallah.
yes, we struggled at times and then back on track but it won't be too long till it's back to struggling. but whatever it is, i really thank Allah for this precious gift i own.
he's the man i wanna grow old with.

yesterday was GENG BIO BERHARI RAYA DAY!
super fun i tell u. wish it didnt end that night. haha.
i really miss all of them. especially, ALL!
it was a great day and night throughout.
first house was to linda's then to siti's then to an's and then to mine.
after mine was to kak sue's then to budi's. after that to fadli's then to hafizul's then to noreen's. off to ati's auntie then to naz's and the last was baby's crib.
Alhamdulillah we managed to complete the 12hrs given timing. importantly, we managed to get everyone's back safely except for fadli.
he hafta to get home by bus after the last house.
sorry dear. but he agreed so well, fair enough. (=
thanks to all ex and current bio peeps. nad love u all to bits.
cant wait for another get-together session.

and before yesterday, saturday was out jalan raya-ing with baby's tko brothers.
it was a fun outing yet again.
photo taking sessions, the rain, the bikes, the car, the asap2 and i wont forget the accident occured.
poor zul and gf. they skidded and had minor injuries.
but they continued with the plan even when they're not feeling very well on that day.
elle, zul's gf was still in the shocking state after hours.
thank Allah they're safe.
hope baby love that saturday. hope he had fun too.

2days of raya-ing is also equals to 700plus photos in his canon.
and of course, good luck to me lor when uploading the pixies.
need to resize sumore. ))=

before i forget, i still wanna wish my dear boyfriend a HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
so old already sey! haha. u better takecare of urelf okay. cos u need to takecare of me too. hee! whatever u wish for will come true. insyallah. and really hope u love what i presented for u. ily u baby soooo much! may Allah bless you always dear. (=

brought him to have some fun with the games and movies. mens stuffs. and i didnt get him those sweet cute2 cake. haha. brought him diff slices from starbucks. thanks to his brothers for making it happened too.
manly special cakes. ((=
and his belated bday's present, canon DSLR 500D.
i soo loving it.
I KNOW YOU LOVING IT TOO! hahahahaha.

alright, gonna try to close my eyes now.
cant wait for thurday to come.
it's MY BOYFRIEND'S OFFDAYYYY! YEAHHHHHHH!

morning to all! ((=

Labels: smile when you are sad

so many things to say.

will be back tonight! ((=

Labels: see me happy and sad

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ONE AND ONLY OLD MAN, SULAIMI BIN MAHWAN! (:

yes Ayah, it's ur bday today. yet again, time went by so fast till i dun realise that u're actually at ur real old age.
well, that's life. everything's without realising. sometimes it isn't fair for us. i hate this part the most. myself to blame for not really taking in the small details lately or earlier on.
either way, i'm much observant now. much taking things seriously if it regards my family. i dunno why. it's just the feeling of wanting to do everything with ur family for now. i've tried and gonna keep on trying.

and of course, to my dear Ayah,
i'm wishing you the best of the best a daughter's wish for their father. u, my wonderful dad( i'm tearing up already.;( , i wanna thank you so much for being there for me without me realising all of it. financially, u're always there i should say. i dun wanna brag bout the things i cant have eventhough i noe i can have if i'm living with u. i dun used to go over u and ask for simply anything. mum dun teach me that way. with that, i'm totally and really appreciative of what u've done for me throughout my schooling days and right now for still giving me that sum of cash for my monthly pocket money. i really thank u for that dad.

just wanna let u noe that i've been missing you alot forever. and u'll be in my heart no matter what has happened between us.
i wanna bring you dad. i wanna do the same things to what i wanna do for mum.
i'm as the youngest of all, i hope for some miracles for me as i myself knew that we're getting older. i cant do much if anything were to happen before i could make u guys happy.

Ayah, today's ur big day! i hope u jolly well enjoy todayyy yaaa! hehe. u sure does! cos u're one happy and smiley man i've always see. i noe too many sorrows or pains u kept to urself. u actually have me and brothers if u anything to share about. we're always here for u. jus waiting for the time for u to open up dad. anyway, i'm almost like u. smiling away all the sorrows and not to forget, we played pretends too much dad. and i realised that's not the very good way of staying healthy from the inside. i really hope one day u would speak up and hopefully we can help u in any ways. insyallah.

Semoga Allah murahkan rezeki Ayah dan panjangkan umur Ayah. Semoga Ayah dilindungi nya dari segala bencana dan dugaan dalam dunia ini.

Ayah, do u that noe ur smile always cheer me up and ur laughters always brought pains to my tummy! and that's FUN!
Thank You Ayah for everything.

Just so you know, eventhough we're not living under the same roof,
your dearest daughter and sons's always thinking and missing you.
Afterall, you're our flesh and blood.
Without you, we wouldn't be here dad.

Once again,

SELAMAT ULANG TAHUN AYAH KU TERSAYANGGGGG!

your one and only daughter,
nirah

Labels: special day for you

everyday is a new day.
each day has it own story.
nothing in mind, messing my head.
i gotta love and erase those hates.
tell them i'm sorry for being me.
i can't see it well and clearly.

baby there's not much to say actually
i'm just being me lately.
for all the thoughts and tries i've made
another mistakes seems like forever to re-make.
i rather skip all those thoughts and move on with life
but it kept hunting me down and nothing i could do but just cry.
it wont't hurt to feel sorry for all u've done
but it really hurts to see those who wish you could so something fine.

i never know that life's hard like this.
i've always knew that i'm that strong girl people always seen
and that strong girl finally found the path to feel and speak.
nothing matters if u don't believe in yourself.
nothing matters if you trying to be yourself.
all that matters when you finally feel so alive.

good things always has the ending but it doesn't mean pain.
bad things can't never always be seen but in so much vain.
picturing my life and people's life is much of the same.
we've gone through tough times in the sun or rain.

love and destroy is two different things.
love is appreciation.
destroy is devastation.
i love myself and i don't wish to see it lost in the shadow of insanity.
i never appreciate destruction as i know i don't deserve it.

many faces has changed my life. many lives been part of me.
too many words to just describe how i feel. too many words sometimes, don't mean a thing.

i have dreams and dreams are made for all. dreams are what we're aiming for and that's when u know u're living your life in full of pure.
no point regretting they say. there's always a solution in every problems u face.
with a little prayer invades.

i don't hate my life. i love my family and friends. i love them all.
they are the one i look for whenever i'm in need. no matter what ever happens to me, they will still be there for me. i know my life. i know my friends.
the endlessly feeling of love between me and them can never be erased.
they do play a big part in my life.

& my boyfriend, he's the one i look for everyday and every night. i am feeling very secured while with him. he's the other half of me. he brings me joy and laughters and even tears.
chase away my pains and brushing away my sorrows.
he's the one i'm sharing my life with for tomorrow.

my random writes.
during the moon's bright.

i guess everything's gonna be alright.

Labels: less try less gain

HOLA!!

Please respect it cause its not yours :]
I'm not here to entertain you.
If you don't like my blog just click here :]
For everyone who doesn't like me, it goes mind over matter.I don't mind, and you don't matter! ;]

hisPEBYIA